"Where there are no words...know the silences are carrying the thoughts and prayers of all who love you"
-Dawn Dias
There's an elephant in the room,
It is large and sitting, so it's hard to get around it.
Yet, we squeeze by it with, "How are you's?"
And, "Oh I'm fine's"...
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather, about work.
We talk about everything else
But the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room;
We all know it is there.
We're thinking about the elephant as we talk together-
It is constantly on our minds.
For you see, it is a very big elephant in the room.
Oh, please say his name....
Oh, please say his name again.
Oh please, let's talk about the elephant in the room
For if we can talk about his death,
Perhaps, then we can talk about his life?
Can I say his name to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
All alone....
In a room...
With an elephant.
It is large and sitting, so it's hard to get around it.
Yet, we squeeze by it with, "How are you's?"
And, "Oh I'm fine's"...
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather, about work.
We talk about everything else
But the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room;
We all know it is there.
We're thinking about the elephant as we talk together-
It is constantly on our minds.
For you see, it is a very big elephant in the room.
Oh, please say his name....
Oh, please say his name again.
Oh please, let's talk about the elephant in the room
For if we can talk about his death,
Perhaps, then we can talk about his life?
Can I say his name to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
All alone....
In a room...
With an elephant.
What to say
- "I am sad for you"
- "How are you doing with all of this?"
- "This must be hard for you?"
- "What can I do for YOU?"
- "I'm sorry"
- "I'm here and I want to listen"
"The most helpful thing people said to my wife and me during that time was, 'You're in our prayers.' Knowing that we were in the hearts and prayers of friends, family, and even strangers was one of the few comforts we felt" - D.F., Aidan's daddy
"As much as you want to comfort a family member or friend and make the tears stop, unfortunately there is nothing that can be said or done. Just being there for us, and letting us know you are thinking about us, not wanting to run away when we share our tears truly means a lot. this is a difficult task to ask of you, but it also lets us know you care." -T.B., Chase's mommy
What not to say
- "You're young, you can have more kids."
- "You have an angel in heaven"
- This happened for the best"
- "Better for this to happen now, before you had the baby."
- "There was something wrong with the baby anyway."
- Don't call the baby a "fetus" or "it"
" Please do not tell me that my baby is in a better place. How could anywhere be better than my arms?"- E. E., Anthony's mommy
"Today I spoke to a friend an told her I was having a really rough week...her response....'Yeah, my week has be really tough also. I have been so busy" And I am scheduled to go back to work soon, so today she asked how I was enjoying my last few days of vacation!?!?!? Does it look like I have been on vacation? Is grief a vacation? If so, I never want anyone to go on 'vacation' again! - M.S. Jake's mommy
"After experiencing two still births and two miscarriages and then finally was pregnant with a health baby, someone said, "Well maybe you had to get the other pregnancies out of the way so you could have a healthy baby"- G.H, David and Ethan's mommy
"I was showing Maddux's DVD to a friend. We were eating breakfast and he put down his fork for a minute, wiped a tear from his eye and said, " I can see how you could get so attached. I do a lot of work with orphaned animals, and when we loose a little critter, I feel the same way" - C.H. Maddux's mommy
Quotes taken from the hearts of the bereaved parents of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
Photo used under Creative Commons from rulznkat